Seven-sentence story -second revision-

Okay, so I had an epiphany in the shower not even 15 minutes ago while I was trying to come up with some environment concepts and I need to get this out in writing before my tired brain forgets everything I came up with.

Thanks, Jon, for the feedback on my last revision but I've decided to completely revamp this story. The character I've designed and revised still works great for this story, and will actually turn out better in the end. My last idea was just too complex for the class and I was running into a serious rut trying to figure out simple solutions to the obvious flaws in the outline.

Help me out guys, if you don't understand or don't like any part of this then let me know ASAP with a quick comment. I want to get this thing hammered out completely before Wednesday so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Thanks!

1. A messenger boy comes to a farmhouse to deliver a message but gets no response, but hears a noise coming from the stables
2. Upon investigating, he sees the farmer mistreating one of the stabled chickens
3. The farmer notices the boy, who delivers the message to him.
4. After the farmer is gone the messenger takes pity on the mistreated chicken and looks for a way to free it from its pen - however the bird is reluctant to be helped
5. The farmer hears noise coming from the stables and catches the messenger freeing the bird.
6. The chicken finally trusts in the boy, and they work together to defeat the farmer
7. The messenger and bird revel in their newfound friendship as they escape the farm

Expect all of my sketches and character modelsheets to be posted once I get access to a scanner.

Environment sketches to follow in suit.

Seven-sentence story -first revision-

Thanks to everyone that posted comments about my last story idea - it really helped me figure out where the weak spots were and give them some serious thought. I've come to the realization that I might have to revise the story completely, so that I can focus more on one or two solid characters instead of having such a broad focus.

I talked some things over with Tom, and he threw a couple ideas at me about my current story. He suggested I create more of a conscience struggle with the character rather than making his choice so easily black and white, so I gave them a shot and tweaked the story to fit with the ideas to see how it turned out.

1. A messenger boy is given an important task by his delivery guild to deliver important sealed messages to all of the villages in a nearby valley along with a message to be delivered to the sister city on the other side of the valley.
2. The first village he visits is occupied by a race of small and belligerent creates who mistreat him as he walks through, but as he delivers the first letter to their leader their reaction is extremely negative and they drive him from the village.
3. Curious about why he was treated so poorly, the messenger disobeys his duty and takes a look at the contents of what he is to deliver - which turns out to be an order to stay in their homes for an undisclosed period of time.
4. Not really understanding the purpose behind the order, he continues to travel from town to town delivering the notes, being treated poorly every time and having it always end the same as when he delivered the first.
5. Finally fed up, he rips open the final sealed message in frustration and finds a shocking order from his city to exterminate the valley - and the notes to the villagers were to simplify the process.
6. Part of him feels that the villagers deserve the punishment for mistreating him so badly for only doing his job, but he is reminded of how he was raised by his mother to respect life in all forms.
7. He finally decides to side with his conscience and destroy the rest of the messages in an attempt to save the villagers from an undeserving death.

Considering the workload I might be looking at for less-important characters (modeling, rigging, texture painting, etc.), I'm considering scrapping the current plot idea all together. I'm thinking of something a little more 'personal' that involves direct interactions between the messenger and a thief (just using the thief as a quick example. I haven't actually come up with anything solid).

Mind Map

A little rough, but that's kind of the idea, isn't it

(click image to open full-size)

Seven-sentence structure

1. A messenger in a very busy city is given a very important sealed message to deliver to a nation beyond the valley along with a few smaller letters to be delivered to villages along the way
2. He resists the urge to peek at the curious contents and sets off towards his destination
3. During his trip, he travels through the villages and meets lots of friendly people, leaving each letter for them as he leaves
4. Just before leaving one of the villages, he is approached by a messenger from one of the previous villages, telling him of contents of the letters he has been delivering
5. Curiosity overtakes him and he unseals the important sealed letter, discovering plans to wipe out the valley containing all of the villages he had just visited
6. Torn between his duty and his morals, he travels alone in thought
7. Ultimately he decides not to complete his task, giving up his job as a messenger forever to live in the valley with the other villagers

Story Premise

A messenger tries to deliver a letter but has moral objections about the content of the message and who they are delivering it to.