It's a first draft, so it's crap.
FADE IN
EXT. OUTSIDE OLD MAN'S HOME -- DAYTIME
VIN (a young mail delivery boy wearing a messenger bag) walks onto the property of a withered old house, the yard littered with stone statues on display. Vin stares at the statues as he passes by them, in awe of the craftsmanship. He steps up to the door, knocks, and closely inspects one of the statues at the entrance as an OLD MAN answers and welcomes him in.
INT. INSIDE OLD MAN'S HOME -- DAYTIME
Vin enters into a darkly-lit home. All around him are more statues much like the ones just outside the house along with stonecutting tools. He also sees a cage dangling quietly in plain sight in the room just beyond the entryway. Remembering his purpose, Vin pulls from his pouch a small letter sealed with wax. He quickly hands it to the man who wastes no time in unsealing it. He looks it over, and a small grin appears on his face. He looks down at the boy again, who waits patiently for his tip. The old man motions for Vin to wait while he walks upstairs. On his way up, the man drops the letter onto a stack of seemingly identical cards piled on a desk.
As he waits, Vin walks over to the cage. He looks inside to see a small chicken resting anxiously behind the bars. To his horror, the bird looks looks malnourished and severely depressed. The bird looks at him with doe eyes, and motions for Vin to release him from his caged hell. He looks for a way to get the bird out, but much to his dismay, notices a large padlock is keeping the door sealed shut. The bird points a wing to a key hanging around the neck of one of the statues, and it glints in what little sunlight has made it through the curtains in the dim room.
Vin checks the stairs before swiftly running over to the statue where the key is slung around the neck of a particularely frightened-looking statue of a man. He cringes at its expression before whisking the key from around its neck. He grasps it firmly as he runs back to the cage and thrusts the key into the padlock. As the key is turned, a loud clicking noise is heard from above and a large carge falls down on Vin - the padlock was actually the trigger to a trap.
The force of the cage hitting the floor shakes loose the pile of letters from the desk and sends it toppling in the direction of the cage. Vin bends over and picks up one of the cards that has spilled inside the cage and opens it, revealing a picture of himself. A shadow slowly comes over him, and he looks up to see a grinning old man with the chicken standing at his side. Vin then glances down at a photo in the pile of fallen letters and back to the statue where he retrieved the key and they are the same person. The old man then blows a handful of powder onto the boy, turning him to stone in seconds.
FADE OUT
FADE IN
EXT. OUTSIDE OLD MAN'S HOME -- DAYTIME
A second postal worker walks onto the old man's property and passes Vin (now a statue). He knocks on the door and is welcomed in by the old man. The door closes and Vin's statue is brought into focus.
FADE OUT
CREDITS
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Final story -revision-
Having a revision of a final story is kind of contradictory, but I can roll with it.
This revision has some changes to the setting as well as some tweaks in the antagonist characters.
A young boy walks to the entrance of a weathered old house and knocks on the door -- an old man answers, welcoming him in. As the boy enters, he spies an arrangement of various statues littered around the home. Animals, people, and the like; He thinks to himself that the man must be a sculptor. He pulls a letter from his pouch and presents it to the man. The man opens the letter and reads it over slowly, a slight grin coming over his face as he drops the letter onto a pile of letters on a desk. As the man reads the message to himself, the boy spots a sad-looking chicken in a cage. The man then claims that he has a tip for the boy and leaves upstairs to retrieve it, leaving the boy alone with the caged bird.
As soon as the man is out of sight, the bird coaxes the boy over to its cage. It motions for him to free it, trying to show clearly that it has been mistreated by the man. The boy is quick to feel sorry for the bird, and begins to find a way to release it from its cage. The bird motions to the large padlock on the door of the cage, and that the key hangs around the neck of one of the statues in the room. The boy grabs the key, unlocks the cage and the bird jumps to the ground. He makes his way for the door to let the bird escape but as he reaches the door, he turns around to see the bird jump on a small lever, dropping a large cage down around him. As the boy stands to assess the situation, he's greeted by the man overshadowing him, with the bird staring at him knowingly at the man's side; he's been duped! The boy frantically begins to look around and sees statues of terrified men, women and children, some wearing mail delivery uniforms. Near his feet, he also discovers the very letter he delivered to the man. He picks it up and looks at it, discovering the only contents to be a small photograph of HIMSELF taped to the letter. As he realizes this, he looks up to see the man throw a handful of strange powder on him. He sneezes, and staggers back for a moment, only to see himself quickly turn to stone. A blank expression comes over his face as the effect washes over his entire body, leaving him frozen in stone.
[fade out]
[fade in]
Another postman enters the property and walks towards the house, passing the the statue of the young boy. He knocks on the door and is welcomed in by the old man.
-------------
Just a couple questions I want to ask the people reading over this for comments so I can get a little more feedback than the usual "keep up the good work!".
- Is it coherent? I have a bad habit of visualizing things in my head but not really putting it out coherently on paper. I want to make sure everything is explained in a way that makes sense.
- Does the part with the letter tie into the story well enough? I have plans to visually represent it a little better in the setting, but I still have my doubts that I've done enough with it, or dealt with it in the right way.
This revision has some changes to the setting as well as some tweaks in the antagonist characters.
A young boy walks to the entrance of a weathered old house and knocks on the door -- an old man answers, welcoming him in. As the boy enters, he spies an arrangement of various statues littered around the home. Animals, people, and the like; He thinks to himself that the man must be a sculptor. He pulls a letter from his pouch and presents it to the man. The man opens the letter and reads it over slowly, a slight grin coming over his face as he drops the letter onto a pile of letters on a desk. As the man reads the message to himself, the boy spots a sad-looking chicken in a cage. The man then claims that he has a tip for the boy and leaves upstairs to retrieve it, leaving the boy alone with the caged bird.
As soon as the man is out of sight, the bird coaxes the boy over to its cage. It motions for him to free it, trying to show clearly that it has been mistreated by the man. The boy is quick to feel sorry for the bird, and begins to find a way to release it from its cage. The bird motions to the large padlock on the door of the cage, and that the key hangs around the neck of one of the statues in the room. The boy grabs the key, unlocks the cage and the bird jumps to the ground. He makes his way for the door to let the bird escape but as he reaches the door, he turns around to see the bird jump on a small lever, dropping a large cage down around him. As the boy stands to assess the situation, he's greeted by the man overshadowing him, with the bird staring at him knowingly at the man's side; he's been duped! The boy frantically begins to look around and sees statues of terrified men, women and children, some wearing mail delivery uniforms. Near his feet, he also discovers the very letter he delivered to the man. He picks it up and looks at it, discovering the only contents to be a small photograph of HIMSELF taped to the letter. As he realizes this, he looks up to see the man throw a handful of strange powder on him. He sneezes, and staggers back for a moment, only to see himself quickly turn to stone. A blank expression comes over his face as the effect washes over his entire body, leaving him frozen in stone.
[fade out]
[fade in]
Another postman enters the property and walks towards the house, passing the the statue of the young boy. He knocks on the door and is welcomed in by the old man.
-------------
Just a couple questions I want to ask the people reading over this for comments so I can get a little more feedback than the usual "keep up the good work!".
- Is it coherent? I have a bad habit of visualizing things in my head but not really putting it out coherently on paper. I want to make sure everything is explained in a way that makes sense.
- Does the part with the letter tie into the story well enough? I have plans to visually represent it a little better in the setting, but I still have my doubts that I've done enough with it, or dealt with it in the right way.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Seven-sentence story -second revision-
Okay, so I had an epiphany in the shower not even 15 minutes ago while I was trying to come up with some environment concepts and I need to get this out in writing before my tired brain forgets everything I came up with.
Thanks, Jon, for the feedback on my last revision but I've decided to completely revamp this story. The character I've designed and revised still works great for this story, and will actually turn out better in the end. My last idea was just too complex for the class and I was running into a serious rut trying to figure out simple solutions to the obvious flaws in the outline.
Help me out guys, if you don't understand or don't like any part of this then let me know ASAP with a quick comment. I want to get this thing hammered out completely before Wednesday so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Thanks!
1. A messenger boy comes to a farmhouse to deliver a message but gets no response, but hears a noise coming from the stables
2. Upon investigating, he sees the farmer mistreating one of the stabled chickens
3. The farmer notices the boy, who delivers the message to him.
4. After the farmer is gone the messenger takes pity on the mistreated chicken and looks for a way to free it from its pen - however the bird is reluctant to be helped
5. The farmer hears noise coming from the stables and catches the messenger freeing the bird.
6. The chicken finally trusts in the boy, and they work together to defeat the farmer
7. The messenger and bird revel in their newfound friendship as they escape the farm
Expect all of my sketches and character modelsheets to be posted once I get access to a scanner.
Environment sketches to follow in suit.
Thanks, Jon, for the feedback on my last revision but I've decided to completely revamp this story. The character I've designed and revised still works great for this story, and will actually turn out better in the end. My last idea was just too complex for the class and I was running into a serious rut trying to figure out simple solutions to the obvious flaws in the outline.
Help me out guys, if you don't understand or don't like any part of this then let me know ASAP with a quick comment. I want to get this thing hammered out completely before Wednesday so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Thanks!
1. A messenger boy comes to a farmhouse to deliver a message but gets no response, but hears a noise coming from the stables
2. Upon investigating, he sees the farmer mistreating one of the stabled chickens
3. The farmer notices the boy, who delivers the message to him.
4. After the farmer is gone the messenger takes pity on the mistreated chicken and looks for a way to free it from its pen - however the bird is reluctant to be helped
5. The farmer hears noise coming from the stables and catches the messenger freeing the bird.
6. The chicken finally trusts in the boy, and they work together to defeat the farmer
7. The messenger and bird revel in their newfound friendship as they escape the farm
Expect all of my sketches and character modelsheets to be posted once I get access to a scanner.
Environment sketches to follow in suit.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Seven-sentence story -first revision-
Thanks to everyone that posted comments about my last story idea - it really helped me figure out where the weak spots were and give them some serious thought. I've come to the realization that I might have to revise the story completely, so that I can focus more on one or two solid characters instead of having such a broad focus.
I talked some things over with Tom, and he threw a couple ideas at me about my current story. He suggested I create more of a conscience struggle with the character rather than making his choice so easily black and white, so I gave them a shot and tweaked the story to fit with the ideas to see how it turned out.
1. A messenger boy is given an important task by his delivery guild to deliver important sealed messages to all of the villages in a nearby valley along with a message to be delivered to the sister city on the other side of the valley.
2. The first village he visits is occupied by a race of small and belligerent creates who mistreat him as he walks through, but as he delivers the first letter to their leader their reaction is extremely negative and they drive him from the village.
3. Curious about why he was treated so poorly, the messenger disobeys his duty and takes a look at the contents of what he is to deliver - which turns out to be an order to stay in their homes for an undisclosed period of time.
4. Not really understanding the purpose behind the order, he continues to travel from town to town delivering the notes, being treated poorly every time and having it always end the same as when he delivered the first.
5. Finally fed up, he rips open the final sealed message in frustration and finds a shocking order from his city to exterminate the valley - and the notes to the villagers were to simplify the process.
6. Part of him feels that the villagers deserve the punishment for mistreating him so badly for only doing his job, but he is reminded of how he was raised by his mother to respect life in all forms.
7. He finally decides to side with his conscience and destroy the rest of the messages in an attempt to save the villagers from an undeserving death.
Considering the workload I might be looking at for less-important characters (modeling, rigging, texture painting, etc.), I'm considering scrapping the current plot idea all together. I'm thinking of something a little more 'personal' that involves direct interactions between the messenger and a thief (just using the thief as a quick example. I haven't actually come up with anything solid).
I talked some things over with Tom, and he threw a couple ideas at me about my current story. He suggested I create more of a conscience struggle with the character rather than making his choice so easily black and white, so I gave them a shot and tweaked the story to fit with the ideas to see how it turned out.
1. A messenger boy is given an important task by his delivery guild to deliver important sealed messages to all of the villages in a nearby valley along with a message to be delivered to the sister city on the other side of the valley.
2. The first village he visits is occupied by a race of small and belligerent creates who mistreat him as he walks through, but as he delivers the first letter to their leader their reaction is extremely negative and they drive him from the village.
3. Curious about why he was treated so poorly, the messenger disobeys his duty and takes a look at the contents of what he is to deliver - which turns out to be an order to stay in their homes for an undisclosed period of time.
4. Not really understanding the purpose behind the order, he continues to travel from town to town delivering the notes, being treated poorly every time and having it always end the same as when he delivered the first.
5. Finally fed up, he rips open the final sealed message in frustration and finds a shocking order from his city to exterminate the valley - and the notes to the villagers were to simplify the process.
6. Part of him feels that the villagers deserve the punishment for mistreating him so badly for only doing his job, but he is reminded of how he was raised by his mother to respect life in all forms.
7. He finally decides to side with his conscience and destroy the rest of the messages in an attempt to save the villagers from an undeserving death.
Considering the workload I might be looking at for less-important characters (modeling, rigging, texture painting, etc.), I'm considering scrapping the current plot idea all together. I'm thinking of something a little more 'personal' that involves direct interactions between the messenger and a thief (just using the thief as a quick example. I haven't actually come up with anything solid).
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Seven-sentence structure
1. A messenger in a very busy city is given a very important sealed message to deliver to a nation beyond the valley along with a few smaller letters to be delivered to villages along the way
2. He resists the urge to peek at the curious contents and sets off towards his destination
3. During his trip, he travels through the villages and meets lots of friendly people, leaving each letter for them as he leaves
4. Just before leaving one of the villages, he is approached by a messenger from one of the previous villages, telling him of contents of the letters he has been delivering
5. Curiosity overtakes him and he unseals the important sealed letter, discovering plans to wipe out the valley containing all of the villages he had just visited
6. Torn between his duty and his morals, he travels alone in thought
7. Ultimately he decides not to complete his task, giving up his job as a messenger forever to live in the valley with the other villagers
2. He resists the urge to peek at the curious contents and sets off towards his destination
3. During his trip, he travels through the villages and meets lots of friendly people, leaving each letter for them as he leaves
4. Just before leaving one of the villages, he is approached by a messenger from one of the previous villages, telling him of contents of the letters he has been delivering
5. Curiosity overtakes him and he unseals the important sealed letter, discovering plans to wipe out the valley containing all of the villages he had just visited
6. Torn between his duty and his morals, he travels alone in thought
7. Ultimately he decides not to complete his task, giving up his job as a messenger forever to live in the valley with the other villagers
Story Premise
A messenger tries to deliver a letter but has moral objections about the content of the message and who they are delivering it to.
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